under my skirt and in my head

breaking: john mccain is a dick

2008-08-29T10:49:00.004-04:00

what an asshole. he named a cute lil inexperienced lady as vp. HE HAS RUINED MY LIFE. i mean seriously, what a fool. even rightwingnews.com said that she was:

Sarah Palin: She's the extremely popular, very attractive, very young governor of Alaska. She's appealing and fairly conservative, but she's a little too inexperienced for the job since she's only been governor of Alaska since 2006.

FUCK.

apologies for success

2008-08-27T22:38:00.003-04:00

everytime i go out at night, with "friends," i get the usual heckling. why am i going home so early? is something more important than them? why am i such a party pooper? do i have to scowl like this? essentially: why am i such a fucking bitch?

cause i got shit to do, that's why.

what the fuck do you have to do tomorrow? deep fry some gooddamn food?

yeah... i have a dog, i have a house, i have a partner, i have a job, i have a salary, i have remnants of a family, i have dreams.

so, no. no, i do not want to stay out until 3 am and take shots of bargain liquor while you insult me and my life and my choices. no, i do not want to banter while you berate my political correctness and unconditional support for women. no, i do not want to talk bullshit about people while you ask what the fuck i actually do for a living.

am i supposed to apologize? i'm sorry for my education? i'm sorry for my job? i'm sorry for my dog and the love i have in my life? i'm sorry i am goddamn tired because i have a schedule that operates around hours in the day rather than access to recreational drugs or happy hour specials?

when i got my job, a friend actually said to me: "you were the last one of us i thought would get a real job" -- what the fuck? what kind of friend is that? someone i had held on to for far too long, that's who.

more than a year after my life as a big girl, i am still dropping people off of the list of people i actually desire to spend time with. and if i'm a bitch then i'm okay with it. bitches get shit done. i'll be a bitch. i've always been a bitch, i just used to smile when i was doing it. now, not so much.

update on self

2008-08-23T16:01:00.003-04:00

hadn't done one of these in a while. i'm usually an IN-something. here's what i am these days:

You Are An INTP

The Thinker

You are analytical and logical - and on a quest to learn everything you can.

Smart and complex, you always love a new intellectual challenge.

Your biggest pet peeve is people who slow you down with trivial chit chat.

A quiet maverick, you tend to ignore rules and authority whenever you feel like it.

In love, you are an easy person to fall for. But you're not an easy person to stay in love with.

Although you are quite flexible, you often come off as aloof or argumentative.

At work, you are both a logical and creative thinker. You are great at solving problems.

You would make an excellent mathematician, programmer, or professor.

How you see yourself: Creative, fair, and tough-minded.

When other people don't get you, they see you as: arrogant, cold, and robotic.

What's Your Personality Type?

my boiling blood

2008-06-25T16:49:00.001-04:00

life is one big complicated mish mash of practicality, emotion, hormones, money troubles, and joy. and it’s fun, interesting, difficult, and unbelievable and i know this with less than a quarter century under my belt.

so when i see people judging others’ life choices, it makes me want to drive up on the curb and run them and their propaganda over.

yes, you, mentally unstable protestor at the future site of the downtown planned parenthood, i am talking about YOU AND THE CHILD YOU BRING ALONG WITH YOU.

the thing is, this planned parenthood will not even be providing abortions. let me repeat, THIS PLANNED PARENTHOOD WILL NOT BE PROVIDING ABORTIONS. so the fact that you, sick and twisted person, are standing on the road with a five foot tall poster of a dismembered and bloody fetus... well it makes me question your literacy skills.

call me crazy, but planned parenthood is in the business of helping people PLAN (stay with me now,) PARENTHOOD. that means (are you still with me?) that they provide birth control and gyn exams, things that usually PREVENT abortions.

shocking, i know. how radical of them!

and i could go off on a rant about how it’s not even ONE LITTLE BIT OF YOUR PEA-SIZED BRAIN’S BUSINESS what is or is not in my uterus, but even so, i will pretend like i care about your “feelings” on schmabortion.

my point is, to protest abortions at a place that does not provide abortions, well, it makes you look completely stupid. you could be spending your time doing so many other things. like i don’t know, you could read a newspaper. imagine that! you could read about the lives of women, the economy, their treatment by men, the pressure on young women from the media, their parents, their peers. you could read about the government, the way they withhold accurate sex information and refrain from discussing sexuality and healthy choices for all people – and (bonus!) the way you are contributing to this cycle of intellectual abuse and disinformation. the way you are contributing to the destruction of our nation’s young women and rendering them worthless. throwing challenge after challenge at teens and young mothers who already have enough on their plate, that’s what you’re doing to us you lunatic with the poster.

if you see a jeep liberty comin at you in the morning, all i’m saying is, you better run.

and in the meantime, i’ll be protesting hunger at the grocery store. oh wait... that’s a little backwards, isn’t it?

i likey dogs

2008-05-06T16:29:00.000-04:00

see more dog pictures

Wanted: Men.

2008-05-05T11:10:00.002-04:00

CALLING ALL DUDES!
"I'm a Feminist Because..."
Give us 50 words finishing this sentence, and you might be one of the profiles featured in the July issue of skirt!

[...because women's rights are human rights...]
[...because we can always do better...]
[...because we should both wear the pants...]
[...because this is what a feminist looks like...]

Email your 50 words to editor@skirt.com before June 1, 2008 (the earlier the better!). Please include your full name, street address, city, state, and a daytime telephone number.

out of the shadows

2008-04-15T15:41:00.007-04:00

hey all! it's been a while, but i wanted to share what i've been working on for the last month. (besides collecting photographs of people in texas tuxedos)

here are a series of videos i've been working on in conjunction with sabrina, culminating in a work-sponsored roadtrip to v to the tenth, eve ensler's vagina spectacular!

hello, enjoy

2007-12-04T17:22:00.000-05:00

i'm on hiatus while my stolen internet suppliers have moved. enjoy this graphic in the meantime, it's the diversity of presidential candidates' staffs. mmmhmmm.

condoms behind the counter

2007-11-19T22:35:00.000-05:00

i needed to buy toilet paper (and an elle magazine, but whatever) and on the way in to harris teeter, sabrina was telling me today that they keep condoms behind the counter now. WTF i called her a liar and told her i didn't believe her. well, yeah, she was telling the truth and i snagged this blatantly taken photo on the way out:

yes, baby/std prevention and cancer causers both behind the same counter. and what is that above the condoms? breastmilk mix? good start? yes, my google skillability proved me correct, check this out:
uh yeah, i think that is just above and to the left of the neon green "twisted" trojans.

um, so, you have to have someone else's permission to 1 - inhale poisons, 2 - avoid the herp and offspring, and 3 - feed your kid sans your own breasts. i won't even get into the breastmilk wars, i'm just so miffed by this whole thing.

i'm also speculating that the pregnancy tests were behind the counter as well (they're often stolen from stores when they are on the shelves). i mean, i think that is super duper bullshit and what are they trying to do -- literally hide them? i wouldn't be too surprised.

passive aggression + sharpie

2007-11-16T17:37:00.000-05:00

i know i'm not supposed to eat domino's anyway, since their founder is a fan of operation rescue, etc etc. but sometimes i have a thin crust craving that only domino's can satisfy. or maybe i want a thin crust but they bring me HAND TOSSED... gross.

anyway, the delivery driver was the MOST unpleasant person i have ever met. come on dude, i know you are a pizza delivery guy but if you would have gotten a college degree and a clean shirt you wouldn't be in the position you are now. so stop ringing the doorbell, yelling through the door, and scowling at me like i'm the slowest person who ever signed a receipt for you. next time i'll punch that scowl right off your sullen face.

BUCK UP, DUDE.

OH MY GAWD

2007-11-15T16:48:00.000-05:00

i'm not crazy either. FFC isn't crazy. WE'RE FAMOUS. i'm getting famouser by the month.

check this out! me likey this lauren blogger.

no you didn't just say that...

2007-11-14T12:13:00.000-05:00

oh mr mccain, thank you for calling THIS bitch out and telling her to shut her idiotic pie hole. or not.

bleeeeeeeeeggggggghhhhhhhhhhhh. yeah, that woman referred to hillary as a "bitch" and then mccain looked slightly uncomfortable and then went with it. cause he is a man and that's when men do.

and gee whiz, lady, you are tooooo funny! thanks for making us south carolinians look soo damn intelligent--hurray you! let's get drinks sometime and paint our nails and braid our hair and hate on women! you seem like such a sistah!

hey lady, ps - that was a lie. i hate you. i hope you choke on your misogyny.

new feature!

2007-11-11T14:26:00.000-05:00

i'm announcing a new feature here at undermyskirt, it's called: PEOPLE ARE BATSHIT CRAZY.

you know who i think is batshit crazy? anyone who wears double denim. i have a big ole stash of photos of people wearing double denim.

to kick off this new feature, here's a photo i took at the outlet mall over a month ago. it might even be quadruple denim.

(if it looks like a brain warp-y mind trick, it's because they were actually behind me and i had to use the mirror to angle the backwards shot.... i'll do anything for a photo of double denim.)

people do and wear other batshit crazy things, and i'll slowly add more topics to this feature, but be warned: it's double denim that is the MOST batshit crazy thing you can do.

*post script - matt is unfamiliar with american vernacular, for those from not america or whatever: batshit crazy, also bat-shit crazy

watch this with your feminist eye

2007-11-04T21:39:00.000-05:00

i never admitted to liking boy bands. but i can now admit i would stay up late at night and watch trl (which used to be on at 10pm before it became the mega crap it is today and when mtv played actual videos...) and i lived for videos like this:

after sabrina's brill entry about take that, i began to think about what sorts of things i so obliviously loved. in that backstreet boys video, i specifically remember getting really close to the tv and squealing every time that blonde boy came on. my friend jocelyn and i would moan and screech like if we just looked at him hard enough, he would pop out of the tv and pleasure us beyond our wildest 13 year old imaginations.

anyhow, now that i watch the video with my feminist eye, isn't it kind of odd? "as long as you love me" -- meanwhile they switch places with the ladies, who are apparently incompetent at their video-producing job and are only good for fantasies. more like, "as long as you don't intimidate me in the workplace and do what i say, mmkthanks."

i have to say... we were all on crack if we thought they were so hot. but it reminds me of the absolute and total mania of pop music. if i had been a backstreet boy, i too would have been wearing those baggy jeans, zip up lycra shirts, and trench coats. i would have done whatever my manager said. hell, it sold! we were a bunch of suckers.

i think i'm uncool and less smart today

2007-11-04T15:56:00.000-05:00

most days sabrina chastises me at work for not having watched Every Single Movie Necessary To Survive In Life. so occasionally after a conversation about An Important Movie I Have Not Seen she will send me a list of 10 movies to add to the pilarskington netflix queue. one movie i'd added recently was harold and maude. i think one of the only things i knew about harold and maude was that it wasn't when harry met sally (the titles get mixed in my head pretty easily) and that mary in there's something about mary called harold and maude the best love story of our time.

well okay, so i thought it was time to see it for myself.

i am sorry, i must not like "slapstick, dark humor, and existentialist drama" (via wikipedia). in fact -- i know i don't like slapstick or dark humor and rarely existentialist drama. why can't netflix be smart enough to turn on a flashing red light and a siren and stay "STEP AWAY FROM THE QUEUE, YOU'VE JUST PICKED OUT A MOVIE YOU WILL SLEEP THROUGH"

and i did doze off and stuff my head into the pillow rather than adjust the blinds as the afternoon sun came in. so maybe i missed some brilliant scenes and the characters' growing chemistry. but actually i really think there are reasons i'd never seen this before: #1 although i can protest and refrain from showering with the best of them, i will never really heart cat stevens. #2 i am a snob and if a movie was made in 1971 and hasn't been remastered or any of that techie mumbo jumbo stuff, well then, as the beginning credits are running i'm already pretty bored with the crappy audio-visual presentation.

can someone please forgive me for not loving this movie? does everyone else really love it? it was such a forced story, it was embarrassing to see all the themes they were trying to present at once.. it was like I GET IT. ENOUGH. duh... the kid has issues. everyone is crazy... duh.

sorry everyone. i am not cool and existential today.

dogs are my best friend

2007-11-03T13:21:00.001-04:00

this is our family dog layla when she was just an itty bitty puppy. i took this picture thanksgiving 2004 while she was learning her way around the yard. she was soo teeny. i think you could still pick her up at this size and play with her in your lap. she's mostly black lab but maybe a little bit of something else, i'm not sure what. over time, all her brothers and sisters either died or went crazy and were given to "someone with a farm." layla is the only one left and everyone always said she was the best behaved out of all of them. and also, she's always loved me best even though i've never lived at home since we've had her for more than 2 months at a time.

this is her thanksgiving 2005 with me and my sister, she'd grown so fast in one year!

and thanksgiving 2006 with her big ass tongue hanging out:

and soon i'll have a thanksgiving 2007 photo with her and big ass self! she aint no puppy anymore, and i don't go home for more than 2 days anymore.

but i miss her so much that i'm slowly looking for one of my own. though, probably not a black lab like layla, she still thinks she's a puppy and curls up in bed with me when i'm home for a weekend. she takes up more than half the bed and i wake up with muddy, twiggy paws in my face as she groans and stretches to take up more room. i want a doggy that will fit on the couch, let alone the bed.

vote for meeeeeeee! click the happy face!

2007-10-29T21:45:00.000-04:00

anti sexy cop becomes box in a box ala dick in a box

margie p

Outfit Deets

netted top:

from express a few years ago in a sale bin. never actually wore it.

tank:

basic fave from target

box:

all supplies courtesy walmart

earrings:

black hoops with pink hearts, $2.50 from icing/claire's

makeup:

rimmel pink lip liner, maybelline turquoise eye duo, cover girl petal pink blush

The story behind the look: forever rebelling against sexy-anything for halloween, i loved this idea that my 60 year old (awesome, female) boss suggested. i loved picking out the makeup for my early nineties vibe, but sadly you can't see my waterfall bangs in this pic, look hard though, you'll see their beginnings!

my costume beats your costume any day

2007-10-28T00:58:00.000-04:00

chuck cut if off just as it was getting good, boooo chuck.

probably the best license plate i have ever seen

2007-10-27T19:05:00.000-04:00

have you watched this space?

2007-10-25T22:20:00.000-04:00

"What will you do about illegal immigration in Charleston?"

"How will you address unemployment among young men, and how will you get young people interested and participating in politics, particularly young women, seeing as they are so jaded with politics and its (lack of) effect on their daily life?"

exponential douchebaggery? discuss.

speechless

2007-10-24T17:01:00.000-04:00

i, i... don't know what to say? it goes up, down, all around. in circles repeatedly, then up, down, up, down, and around a corner. so offensive, but sometimes not? but in the end, i have a confused scowl face, so i guess it was like 53% straight offensive, 31% WTF, and 16% oooh, tell it girl.

watch fo yoself:

Females, are you fembots?

seeeeeeeeeeeeriously.

stephen, skirt wants YOU!

2007-10-23T12:30:00.000-04:00

let's all double dare stephen colbert.

loyal undermyskirt fans: post this EVERYWHERE.

watch this space

2007-10-22T23:52:00.000-04:00

i went to the charleston mayoral debate tonight. i recorded 2 sets of answers on my camera -- one about immigration in charleston, the other was a 2-part question about what the candidate would do about unemployed/uneducated young men, the other component of the question was what each candidate would do to get young adults involved in politics, especially young women, seeing as they are so jaded with politics and its (non) effect on their daily life.

GUESS WHAT? the second part of the second question was the one i wrote. booyeah.

anyway, the videos are taking 100 years to load on youtube and i just really want to go to bed, it is like 3 hours past my bedtime. so my point is: watch this space! once i can get the videos up we can discuss each candidate more, i still haven't decided who i'm voting for.

although here is what i will say: mark knapp is a douchebag. i'm definitely not voting for him.

ps can feminists say douchebag?

edit/update: look what i found!

weeeeeeeeeee!

2007-09-25T16:45:00.000-04:00

oh yeah, and we have a new addition to the family:
this one fits behind the house, goes through floods, and doesn't have to be parked at jaber's every night. now, does anyone know anyone who wants a ford taurus in good condition with a buffed out "A" on the side door and optional Hillary sticker?

watch out, you know, cause i'm a lady driver.

estrogen + auto = ?

2007-09-25T16:19:00.000-04:00

i found this last week:
"Lady driven" -- wtf?

apparently in this sense, lady driven is supposed to mean that it's been driven gently. But isn't the stereotype of a female driver more like neurotic, erratic, stop-and-go, lots of u-turns, cutting people off?

this is the first image that comes up when you google "woman driver":
mmhmmm.

the faces of rosie

2007-09-17T11:52:00.001-04:00

i came across both of these in the last few weeks.

which one is mo betta?

LEFT: time mag september 10 2007 cover
RIGHT: stacy pearsall photo f8pj.com

my thoughts:
LEFT: "average" white girl; long hair and makeup = feminine/accessible; ipod = high socioeconomic status; hat, bracelet, tat, nail polish = timelessly trendy

RIGHT: ethnically "medium;" makeup = feminine; camo = her job/the military/tough work/patriotism??

i like stacy's version much better. i think it's the uber-whiteness and ipod that really kills the time version for me.

your thoughts?

today on under my skirt

2007-09-13T07:48:00.000-04:00

i am watching the today show... first of all, this iranian businessman is hot. he just said mahmoud ahmadinejad was similar to gwb in that they both have strong convictions, and, well, everyone else thinks they're a bit loony. hott, so hott. want to touch the hiney.

but what i really wanted to say is that they just had a short piece (click part 4, it's about 3 mins in) about mary winkler, the preacher's wife who killed her husband. they had a legal expert of nbc's on, and a satellite feed of mary's own attorney. since i judge people, i initially thought that her own attorney was a bit mental. he was speaking about 2 mph with the thickest southern accent i have ever heard. the nbc attorney was well dressed and borderline preppy cute. after a while i realized: omg that prepster is a big fat asshole.

***sidenote: just realized nbc attorney is dan abrams, i obv don't pay attention to the tv. upon more research, winkler's attorney is steve farese, from mizzuhsippeh***

anyway, bfasshole was saying that her case was not a "classic case" of abuse, and she shouldn't be the abuse poster child, and he didn't take issue with her abuse status, he took issue with "her shooting her husband." meanwhile the owsm (old white southern man) was defending her and seemed on the verge of saying what i was thinking: "there is no classic abuse, any level of abuse will affect victims in different ways, and if you continue that form of abuse for long enough, then yeah, women are gonna grab a shotgun and shoot you in the back while you sleep." only then prepster talked him off the screen and i'm glad i'm not meredith vieira because some shit woulda gone down. no wonder prepster reminds me so much of the a-holes i encounter in this town that don lobster shorts with a serious face, dan the man went to duuuuuuuuke, aka preppy white sexual assault land.

ummmm sidenote why is iran looking to decrease the amount of women in universities? currently 2/3 of university students are women, but they want to knock it down to 1/2. hmmm, thanks for the tip matt lauer.

okay, the end.

choosy republicans choose gay

2007-08-29T10:30:00.000-04:00

"Let me be clear: I am not gay and never have been," said Craig, who has aligned himself with conservative groups who oppose gay rights. from here.

i mean, i was gay but then, you know, i stopped being gay. it was a trend for a while, so you know, i decided to be gay for a few months, but straight is the new black. gay is so out. str8 4eva.

this is the only pro-choice issue for republicans.

i NEVER HAVE BEEN gay? are you mental? duhhhhhhhhhhhh you're gay.

mental about moolah

2007-08-28T18:12:00.000-04:00

i just got off the phone with my mother. you know when you're little and you think your parents are very mature and adult-like and they're geniuses who know everything? yeah, not so much anymore.

my mom's pretty cool, she laughs nervously when i say the word vagina in everyday conversation, but she doesn't tell me it's inappropriate or unlady-like. (how the eff do you spell unladylike? un-lady-like?)

BUT i was talking to her about getting new furniture for our new apartment and now i think she's so mental i want to scream.

backstory: my parents are divorced. they hate each other. they fight over money and use us as pawns to get the opposing parent to spend more money. no one set aside a college fund for any of the three of us. i know nothing about special savings accounts or how to use fancy bank words. i had my first job when i was 14 and promptly cashed each paycheck until i was in high school, when i finally opened a checking account attached to a debit card, which is how i still operate.

anyway i'm chatting to my mom about this ridiculously amazing bedroom set i saw today and i started talking about how i think i'm doing pretty well financially considering that i live in downtown charleston on a starting salary with a shoe fetish. my brain starts thinking YEAH I LIVE IN CHARLESTON WTF and i ask her what the monthly mortgage is on the house at home (charlotte suburbs). she freaks out and says she's not going to tell me. apparently her bills are none of my business and it was rude to ask and do i think i can just have a look at everyone's wallet?!

so i'm absolutely floored by this and i keep pressing her: why can't you tell me? women need to talk about money! how can you not discuss your own finances while giving me advice on mine? shouldn't i be given examples of appropriate finances? why are you so offended that i asked? i know how much other things are, why can't i know this one thing? she would not tell me.

this is sort of like sex-ed. the way that parents think the schools will do the penis-vagina talk... while at the same time the schools think the parents will do the penis-vagina talk. guess what? meanwhile no one is doing the penis-vagina talk and i'm ready to bone.

does my mom think i will magically fill out an excel spreadsheet with numbers and suddenly understand how to live and balance a checkbook like an adult? guess what - no one gave me the penis-vagina talk! if our own parents (ahem, mothers) won't talk to us about their finances, how are we expected to negotiate salaries, mortgages, interest rates?

in college you HAVE to discuss money. there's so much chatter about what apartment costs what and is it worth it to get the cheaper apartment even though it's in a worse neighborhood? where are the cheapest happy hours? how much was that dress on sale for? the whole store was 30% off, now it's 50%. if we go to the movie, i'll buy the tickets and you buy the popcorn... get it? i mean, in college there's no shame - everyone's looking for a bargain. everyone wants to know where to get money and where to spend it and how best to spend it.

is there a birthday card message that tells me to stop thinking like that and asking those questions? "congratulations, you're 25! have a martini and then remember that that is the year to stop asking questions about money! love, dad"

i mean i know it's rude on a certain level. but shouldn't i be able to ask my girlfriends what their salary is, how good their benefits are, what sort of apartments they're looking for?? shouldn't i be able to ask my own mother, whose vagina i came out of, similar questions?

speak or forever hold your peas.

a signal used by persons wishing to engage in lewd conduct

2007-08-27T20:12:00.000-04:00

all republicans are homophobic homosexuals. i know. that was cruel and inappropriate, oh well.

“At 1216 hours, Craig [Larry Craig, R-Idaho] tapped his right foot. I recognized this as a signal used by persons wishing to engage in lewd conduct. Craig tapped his toes several times and moves his foot closer to my foot. I moved my foot up and down slowly. While this was occurring, the male in the stall to my right was still present. I could hear several unknown persons in the restroom that appeared to use the restroom for its intended use. The presence of others did not seem to deter Craig as he moved his right foot so that it touched the side of my left foot which was within my stall area.”

couldn't we all write a blog entry per day about the ridiculous sexual behavior of some politicians that is completely out of line with their public persona?! and most of them are homophobic, conservative, backassward politicians who can't admit that they're horny little bastards having affairs, or simply gay. now if they're on the horny little bastard team - they can just rot in hell. if they're gay -- then isn't that so sad? that it's come to that? that not even their own political power can save them from what they probably see as an affliction?

read "the confession" by ex-NJ guvnah Jim McGreevey. it's pretty easy to hide an entire secret life (not to mention sexuality) from EVERYONE.

i have no title for this.

2007-08-27T09:14:00.000-04:00

saturday night i awoke to a loud noise that, for a moment, i imagined as a gunshot. it was a clean cracking noise that i had a few seconds to wonder about before i heard a young guy yelling/screaming. it was 3 am and i was confused.

i figured it was some drunk sophomores who had funneled 12 too many busch lites. i was wrong. sort of.

pretty soon i hear a girl absolutely sobbing and alternating between screechy yells and blubbering. then i hear the guy start yelling about "why did you have to lie?".. next comes a chase down the hallway as the girl runs away and he chases her down. they end up in front of our bedroom window, out on the hallway. by this time i'm out of bed and peering down and out the blinds -- all i can see is their feet and shadows. i never figured out what the cracking noise was, you would have thought it was him smacking her around, but i also heard him say "i wish you weren't a girl" -- which, to me, means "if you were a boy i'd punch you in the face until the police come, but i am using so much self-control that i will just yell in your face and shake you instead"

matt woke up a bit after me and started to get out of bed to break it up, but i stopped him before i knew what was going on. i wasn't sure what the situation was and i didn't want to make it worse.

the thing is, i was so upset by it.. i was awake for another hour just laying on my arms to stop them from spasming. but i am also ashamed, because as a good feminist, i had no response. the shock and confusion of the whole thing prevented me from going out there and saying something. but what do you say? "hey little boy if you lay a hand on your girlfriend, i'll fucking kill you?" i'm just not calm in situations like that, if i recognize that voice or those feet i'm afraid i'll just lunge at him and close my hands around his throat. i won't really. but i want to.

i need wise feminist advice. can you/should you/how should you break up a dispute between a couple that is on the verge of violence? i couldn't just run out there and hand her a RAINN card, could i? where is the line i'm supposed to walk that is between intervention and assessing a situation.

i feel like an asshole. that girl probably thinks it is fine and normal and that every couple has screaming matches in apartment complexes. i just finished "if i am missing or dead" and having that in my head is really fucking me up.

duh

2007-08-23T07:31:00.000-04:00

i bought a shoe similar to this yesterday:
and matt said, "didn't you just buy those last week?" no, i bought these last week:

COMPLETELY DIFFERENT.

on a shoe mission

2007-08-20T16:18:00.001-04:00

need shoes to match this dress:
(it's silky and from banana republic and it was on super sale and it's way cuter than this picture i found online)

i am thinking a deep ruby red. maybe a versatile gold?

"it's not hidden, people can see it!"

2007-08-17T13:38:00.000-04:00

(the quote is from Dalton Adams, a reeeeeeeeeeeeally stupid New Yorker, regarding the MMS billboards)

do people not understand what a coat hanger symbolizes in an ad referencing abortion? i only read half the comments and PEOPLE ARE DUMB.

illegal abortions? coat hangers? back alleys? death?

i love you manhattan mini storage.

red state vandals

2007-08-13T18:05:00.000-04:00

does the bumper sticker equal this...?

sorry i am not down with symbology, symbologism, symbioticness, what is the study of symbols (semiotics)? all i know is dan brown doesn't know... anyway, what does the "a" mean? my first thought was antichrist, you know, since women are witches, hillary especially. but isn't that an anarchy "a" minus a circle? what a sloppy scratcher-inner to leave off the circle if that's the case...

so anyway, i'm TOTALLY pissed but wtfever. what can i do about it? nada. you know how criminals usually return to the scene of the crime? i think i'll just camp out on the veranda and keep my eye on the hillarymobile. some hick will probably come over with his women-hating friends to point out his fancy scratch job. and then my friends, i will snap his pretty picture and then snap his kneecap backwards.

matt said, "it really makes me want to vote for her now, just to spite whoever did that." yeah, take that you hater.

gahhhhhhhhhh. it was only a matter of time.

i think i need something like this, any suggestions?

babies, i think?

2007-08-10T14:29:00.000-04:00

overheard in papa zuzu's -

girl 1: do you ever think about babies?
girl 2: uhh, i think i don't like them.
girl 1: i mean, you're in women's studies, i'm sure you've thought about it a lot.
girl 2: i guess?
girl 1: i mean, that they live in you, that they take all your resources, that you have to support it...
girl 2: yeah that's scary and weird and wrong.
girl 1: it's like they're... what's that word?
girl 2: terrorists?
girl 1: no, parasites.

what do people expect?

2007-08-06T19:13:00.000-04:00

why do we have to have this stereotype of people in our heads? even if we think we're not racist (we are) or sexist (we are), we are definitely AGE-IST. it really bothers me that people are unable to censor their reactions to me.

i'm 22 and:
- have a 9 to 5 job that i love and i'm pretty sure it loves me back
- have no debt (...but no money either)
- live with my partner
- graduated college with a what-will-you-do-with-that degree and a similar but fierce minor, and didn't have to wait tables between graduation and said job
- want to live in respectable living quarters

mostly this is all coming from the fact that the landlord of this new apartment i want REQUIRES 4 references from matt and i. each. that means 8 total. not 4 together. i guess she would do this to anyone, and i get that she was probably burned by some sketchy kids before. but do people have to be so condescending?

she brushed me off with "oh but you're just a kid" when i tried to tell her that i thought i was responsible for my age group. SERIOUSLY. am i not responsible compared to the majority of people my age? i thought i was. i thought i was kind of the "social loser" type of responsible. mary lou calls me her mom.

on the other hand, i think people are weirded out that i live with my boyfriend. like i'm making some huge mistake and i'm actually really immature. if you overcame the initial fear of the fact that i have the emotional and mental capacity of a 15 year old, then you'd realize that i probably didn't jump into cohabitating with the same decision-making process that i use to pick out lunch meats. (and even when i was 15 it was more like i was 22 anyway, so i'm really 29 now)

when can people start wrapping their head around the fact that maybe not everyone under the age of 30 is stupid? anytime in the next week would be good. thanks.

right click and choose "play"

2007-08-06T18:59:00.000-04:00

to stop below from auto playing.

sorry.

the prestige, in my opinion

2007-08-01T22:34:00.000-04:00

SPOILER ALERT:

oh yeah AND i don't know how to make it not auto play. someone help.
oh yeah AND christian bale is wearing plaid and wolverine has the spiky black hair.

so, matt and i got netflix (we are margaret and matt pilarskington if you want to look us up) and so we pick out all the random movies we missed in the theatre and watch them while we eat dinner and i practice drinking red wine. we saw the prestige last night and it thought it was stinky poo. it was basically these two guys trying to best each other. what an original plot. it was like watching two grown men throw tantrums and manipulate women while michael caine makes little quips and tries to be a peacemaker. "i'm better" "no i'm better" "i have a better secret trick" "no i have a better secret trick" WAH WAH WAH.

and in the end, the secrets of the men were about as clever as the twist in lindsay lohan's new suckflick "i know who killed me." and i haven't even seen the movie, i just know it's absolutely, awfully, unrealistic. something like, in the end her cat tried to kill her (with its saw-wielding opposable thumbs) and she's hallucinating through the movie because she has cat scratch fever.

ps cat scratch fever is real. the school nurse checked me for it. if your armpits are sore, you have cat scratch fever. or also your arm pits can be sore because your glands are swollen because you are sick and you are using dove deodorant.

haven't you heard?

2007-08-01T17:10:00.001-04:00

pretty average skirt layout, yes? but look a leeeeeeetle closer and what do you find?

MAH LAIG. i'm like, totally famous.

yes, the august issue of skirt is now on newsstands, starring ME and MY LEG. i'll allow autographs on this one occasion. please send a self addressed stamped envelope and your own copy of skirt to me and i'll return it as i can as promptly as possible. but you know, i'll probably get hundreds of requests... so be patient. jk jk.

Tell me I'm not the only one...

2007-07-27T00:21:00.001-04:00

...who thinks this is reeeeally bizarre. (I had 2 martinis. Is that too many? Have I gone mental?)

From a NYTimes article about NYC city pools: "“Most of these kids you see here are from the projects,” said Mr. Sanchez, who lives in a project on Avenue D and enjoys the multicultural girl-watching at the pool."

Mr Sanchez enjoys the multicultural girl-watching at the pool?

Is the author trying to tell us something? Ummmmmmmmmm... yeah.

LOVE-ing THIS.

2007-07-26T15:33:00.000-04:00

Spiderman teams up with Planned Parenthood!!!

oh yeah, and..

2007-07-24T00:51:00.000-04:00

bill richardson was literally grey. someone else should have done his makeup. someone with... eyes.

i want a polly pocket sized mike gravel to put in my purse. then i will pull him out every now and then when i'm bored and have him speak (shout) to me for entertainment.

if i didn't know that joe biden basically referred to barack as "clean" (and he was surprised that he was um... "clean") then i never would have guessed he was a freaky deaky racist. he seemed really nice.

dennis kucinich is ador.

(anderson is gay.)

Democratic Debate. Fun.

2007-07-23T23:57:00.000-04:00

i'm home from the democratic presidential debate. like a good little blogger, i took mini-notes on piece of paper that i found in my purse. it was sort of like when you wake up from a dream and you don't want to forget all the little things so you run to tell someone every single irrelevant part of your whacked out dream.

#1. someone got up and started talking about 10 mins before the live feed started. he told us there would only be 3 commercial breaks, so if anyone wanted to go to the bathroom they should go now rather than run around frantically in the two minutes they would have during commercials. at that point, about half of the audience started breaking for the bathrooms. as women started coming back (my friend kate only took a few minutes), you heard many of them laughing about how long the men's room line was. although no one quite thought past the fact that it was weird, kate and i were like "DUH we are at the citadel, a bastion of the patriarchy, at a south carolina political event AKA the good old boys club x 1000." funny how there were so many men there that their bathroom line snaked around the field house (apparently at least) double the length of the women's line.

#2. ummmm okay like the only question about sex ed/reproductive rights was from a young woman who worked at a planned parenthood (maybe more to come on how/why they chose this question), but the question was basically: "have you spoken to your own children about sex using medically accurate terms" meaning have you told your kids what a penis and vagina do and what they can/are used for. but when john edwards began, his answer was more about how he told his youngest kids what "inappropriate" touching was, essentially, how to be on the lookout for child molesters. while this is sort of an obviously good idea, it did not answer the question and it confused healthy sex ed with predatory perverts. to make matters worse, barack obama seconded edwards. ..."uh, yeah me too. i did that sexual abuse talk too." NO ONE ANSWERED THE QUESTION. i literally almost screamed "BUT THAT WASN'T THE QUESTION!" but i was scared that i would quickly be tasered by a suit.

#3. someone asked a question about whether barack was "black enough" or hillary was "feminine enough" and then each was to respond. i don't remember barack's answer, he usually defaulted to answers with the word "bipartisan" and "change" and references to education. when it was hillary's turn i willed her to say something along the lines of "i don't know what sort of woman you are comparing me to on this 'femininity scale,' blah blah you're a prick" but she said something decent. it just appalled me that first of all: a person asked that, and second of all: because she is in the position she is, she can't answer with something saucy and flippant in the way that every good woman would like her to respond.

#4. a question was posed about how the candidates felt about a bush in office, then a clinton, then another bush, then a clinton. wasn't 28 years under two familes enough? aha patriarchal bastards... comparing father/son relationships with husband/wife? i think not. she was asked to respond and said (thank god!!) "i'm running on my own merits" i'll have you know, i was (SERIOSULY) the first person to start the crowd clap on that. please watch a repeat and listen for the clap, those are my clapped-out, tired hands vigorously defending patriarchal political asshattery.

#5. john edwards said he didn't like the jacket she was wearing. WTF john?! eat shit. fashion jokes on a woman candidate just don't swing anymore. like you would have said to bill richardson: "well your hair looks fugly..." ehhhhhh sorry i think you suck a lot now.

#6. it's just generally sort of sad that hillary has to appear unemotional and stoic to avoid appearing emotional and overly-feminine (or apparently, just plain old feminine to start with). i've seen her speak to people and i know she's very friendly and animated, but on that stage she seemed so spaced out and well, flat..?

ps. richard schiff was there -- toby ziegler of the west wing. matt saw him in the line for security and he was like.. "hey, isn't that toby ziegler?" and it was!

okay. tired. just wanted to get down my thoughts before the big kid blogs jump on it.

2007-07-19T09:47:00.001-04:00

i love how these picture are supposed to be totally backwards looking. um, that is going to be my life. that looks very nice to me. from this, an article about how sweden is #1 for women.

juanita is yuck

2007-07-18T22:31:00.000-04:00

okay, so actually... i really do promise i will write in here. but for now, i need to tell the world that juanita greenberg's sucks. for some reason, a few of my friends really like it, especially for happy hour. i'm usually a fan of their food since it's very reasonably priced and has mega save-it-for-lunch-tomorrow portions. however, i avoid their "famous" margaritas because they taste like crap. i agreed to do post-work happy hour with the friends since it's near my office and they had all agreed on it beforehand.

i think to myself... the margaritas can't always be that bad, maybe it was just the one time. and now i really must say -- anytime you have to talk yourself into trying something again -- that's a bad idea.

the upside is that i now know what the problem is: they use syrups, not even like a liquidy mix like normal. the waitress told me this when she came back with my margarita blended, not on the rocks, the bartender said if it had been on the rocks it would have separated and been gross. well, it was gross no matter what. maybe i shouldn't have gotten the pomegranate margarita, but i seem to think they will all make you feel like you have a toxic rock growing in your stomach. for some dumb reason i thought i could drink the pain away and ordered a second. i took a gulp and pushed it away again. the stomach rock was getting heavier.

so as everyone else is finishing up, we ask for the checks. i had gotten "chips, salsa & cheese dip" for $3.95 to snack on while i drank my pomegranate poison.

WARNING: here's where it might get complicated, you have to follow carefully and math may be included (but there will not be a quiz).

here's the menu and you can scroll to the bottom where it has all the chips and salsa options. my friends had ordered "chips and homemade cheese dip" for $3.75. when their chips and dip came, they received: a thing of chips and 2 little pots of cheese dip.

but when my chips/dip/salsa came, i received: a thing of chips, 1 pot of cheese dip, and 1 pot of salsa. so it seems like the salsa is really valuable, valuable enough to entirely replace and exceed the cheese dip in worth.

one would expect that with the chip options listed cheap>expensive, and basic>better, then when you get to chips/dip/salsa, you would get what chips/dip included + salsa. however, they are liars.

when mine came with only one of each i told the waitress i thought that was weird and asked her for a second cheese dip (i thought this was kind of a DUH). so she brought it.

but then, ohhhhh, but then... SHE CHARGED ME $1.25 FOR IT ON THE BILL!

pshhhhh. i pointed it out and she said "that's what they had to do, and it only came with one cheese." (i know i'm fighting with someone over 1.25 but wtf, really). i told her i wasn't paying and she could send the manager over. (ever notice how nervous that makes other people at the table?!)

after an extended amount of time, she came back with the extra dip off of my bill and then tried to tell me that they would only do it "this once" for me. yeah, shame on me for thinking they are ridiculous. i must be a real nut. they'd be on the lookout for me NEXT TIME. me and my conniving cheese-stealing ways. i let her know really quickly that there wouldn't be a next time.

then i looked at my change and realized she had rounded up $12.66 to $13 and only brought me $7 (a five and two singles) from my $20. hey waitress, i'm already irked at your restaurant's money-stealing ways, don't you go taking my 34 cents. not only that, all good waitresses know to bring back an appropriate amount of singles so the diner can tip you. well, she only gave me 2 singles so i had to leave her only $2. if she had brought me more singles i might have left her $3, pitying her for her abusive waiter skills and inability to recognize common sense or do simple math.

FOR THOSE THAT MISS HIGH SCHOOL MATH, this is for you:

The (relevant) Menu:
Just Chips - $1.75
Chips and Salsa - $2.95
Chips and Cheese dip - $3.75
Chips, Cheese dip, and Salsa - $3.95

if we want to know the values of things, we can take away chips (x) from their combo price.

if x = 1.75, and x + s = 2.95, then s = 1.20. okay, salsa (two of them) costs $1.20

if x = 1.75, and x + c = 3.75, then c = 2.00. so cheese dip (two of them) costs $2.00

what i received was: x + .5s + .5c, which really = $3.36, NOT $3.95

**oh yeah, and their chips are really just the small sized tostitos. seriously. some are usually broken from being in the bag.

nyc is a weenie, OR, why i don't like paris in the springtime

2007-07-09T21:25:00.000-04:00

apparently nyc is having a heat wave. you know what? wahhh. the heat index in charleston is currently (at 9:30 pm) 90 degrees. just imagine what it was WHEN THE SUN WAS OUT. boohoo new york, try living in charleston, walking everywhere, and being a sweat-er.

i am such a sweat-er. my best example of serious sweatosity was when matt and i went to paris for a few days last spring. did i say "spring"? maybe i should say "the period of days which should have been spring but turned out to be what life must be like in a fiery pit of hell." however, when one is in paris, one must do parisian things. one MUST see the eiffel tower, and one should really climb up it. and if one is poor, one must walk all the way up rather than pay 4x the amount it is to ride in an elevator with 74 other tourists, most of whom are american, talking loudly, and wearing white socks.

so anyway, i climbed up the 668 stairs and my face was white, splotchy red, and dripping. my dad used to carry around handkerchiefs (i get the sweat issues from him), but at that time i was really hoping for a towel. there's only so many times you can mop your face off with your own grimy arm. this is why i have so few pictures of me in paris, shouldn't that be the kind of place where you fill your freaking camera up with photos of yourself and famous landmarks? i came back with a camera full of landmarks -- there was little proof that i'd even been in paris myself. so sad.

soooo... paris. thanks to sicko, now i want to live there. guess i'll only come out at night (and avoid the eiffel climb). maybe this time i'll get some proof of my visit.

UNRELATED (but wanted to point it out): in this article, they state that the two police officers were both "unmarried." when you use the prefix un-, doesn't that usually mean that the root word is the standard state of affairs? does that mean they should have been married, that it was unusual for them to not be married? and why do they even mention it? is it related to the shooting? no. sooo many ways to dissect this.

hi! (again)

2007-07-07T15:22:00.000-04:00

okay i changed some settings, i like this better than the standard grey poopie-poo template. i am sort of concerned that my use of the word "cheeky" and my strange singing party picture make it look like i'm a crazy party animal. i hope not -- i go to bed at like 10pm.

but i promise, i am really really fun if you happen to catch me before my bedtime.

i want this blog to be a place where i can tell the world that it pisses me off, makes me wonder, and reminds me that in the end, i'm grateful to be able to be a part of it. i have an old blog (not telling where!) and it became more like my diary, as i grew up my friends forgot to read it so i began to write more of what was really on my mind... i love reading it now and remembering exactly what i was thinking, but i want this to be more of (to steal from the hillary rodham) a conversation.

so how it works is this: i write about something that is annoying me (scotus, george w, the patriarchy, humidity) and you respond with "YEAH ME TOO!" and that's how this will work. you can also suggest things of your own that are annoying (downtown rent, breaking in new shoes, the wait for food at papa zuzu's) and we will figure out how to dissect it and blame it on the patriarchy.

this is going to be fun.

hi!

2007-07-07T15:18:00.000-04:00

i think i picked the best blog name... EVER.

now i have to make this cuter. please wait.